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Monday, July 18, 2011

Love Redux

I did not feel well this weekend and wanted to write about something. Not about not feeling well, that is common in the summer for me. Heat and I do not get along very well (smile). However, that is a blog for another time and when I feel like talking about it. Right now, I am in a great mood and wanted to talk about something else. What is that? Love of course!
(Gasps from the crowd)

What do I know about love? Probably nothing but I am going to blog about it (smile)!

I asked a few friends what they believed love to be. These are some of the responses.

“About six months of complete absorption in someone, because they see you in an intoxicating way for about six months, you see yourself reflected in their eyes in this wash of total love adoration, perfection after six months; it becomes this very human thing”

“Some people attribute it to chemicals in your brain. Some don't. When you think positively about someone, you reinforce those feelings by creating those chemicals in yourself. When he does something to make you feel good, again, reinforces those chemicals. Soon, you are addicted. Addicted=love”

“I don't believe in it. Sorry.”

“…there’s this incredibly rare CLICK when you connect with someone on a lot of levels at once, not just physically so love = CLICK.”

“No idea.”

“Love…I think Paul writes it best in 1st Corinthians 13, but when you care more about someone else then yourself.”

Do I agree with any of them? Maybe I agree a little with each.

When I was younger, I use to think of the fairy princess version. Some man would come, sweep you off your feet, and your life would be perfect. I lost that illusion when I was 9.

Can you convince yourself that you are in love or does the act of caring about someone imply love? Is there such a thing as the romantic love that we all hear stories about?

First, I do not believe in the romantic love we see in movies and hear stories about. I think it is some kind of idealistic pipe dream. “You had me at hello” is not something that happens in real life. Call me a cynic.

Love is a combination of many things and I feel that one of the most important things about a relationship and love is the ability to just “be” with that person.

I grew up with parents who fought every day, not an exaggeration. I do not remember a time when they were not fighting or bickering. If you cannot stand to be with someone how can you say you love him or her?

I have never raised my voice to someone in a relationship. Huh, I never thought about that before (contemplating). I feel that you can discuss the problem and if the discussion yields no change or no compromise then you should either accept the relationship for what it is, or move on.

A second important thing for me personally is respect. I have to feel respected. If we have an agreement, we have an agreement. Now this is not something like “Opps, I forgot to get water at the store”. These are larger things that speak to the fact that the other person is thinking only about themselves. You should put yourself first sometimes, I do, but there are times when boundaries are crossed that should not be.

I find myself wondering if my view of love is skewed. What I want is comfort, familiarity, respect, and laughter. Is that settling? Could I be selling myself short, my cynicism affecting the experiences I could be having? Should I be looking for that “Running through a field of poppies” moment?

What is love? I do not know. Have I ever been in love? Yes, I think I have.

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