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Lifestyle | KBeauty | Living with Multiple Sclerosis | Cancer Survivor | Beauty Blogger | My mind takes me to many places! Come along for the ride.

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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

No, I'm Not Tired

I'm not tired at all. I have mind numbing, bone aching fatigue.

Those not familiar with the feeling will never know how horrible it really is. Tired does not cover it, although that's the only feeling most can relate too. Pretend you have the flu, that horrible weak feeling you get, and then pretend someone has forced you to walk around an amusement park in the heat all day, and then at the end of that day you ran 5 miles.

Now times that by 10.

Yes it is that bad. Not all the time but right now I feel like I can't move. I go to the doctor and I feel like I've worked an 8 hour day and went for a run after I played with my god daughter for an hour or so. I have not felt like this since I was first diagnosed over two years ago and this is kicking my ass.

For me, a person with MS who does a lot and exercises, works full time, and manages a second business, stopping and resting is hard. Not stopping and resting has lead to this. Fighting it for the past two and a half weeks, I fell asleep at the stoplight on my way home from work. I'm lucky I didn't fall asleep on the ride home.  Trust me when I say it was touch and go for awhile and that I really took a chance driving home that day.

I was having nightmares and not sleeping at all but instead of taking it easy and staying home to rest, I went to work and tried to push through it. Someone without MS would have been exhausted and stupid for doing what I was doing. With MS I really put myself in a bad situation.

Now I have to rest. (smile) My body is going to force me to rest. To my chagrin I admit I did this to myself. Well MS did it to me but I know better.

I'm not mad or depressed. It is what it is. I'm a bit frustrated with myself but there is nothing I can do about it now except not do it again. So I will rest and admit I can't do it this week. The fog will lift soon and I will take my Nuvigil and see if it helps me break through quicker.

I still walk with my pups, no running of course, which I will admit I was doing until just yesterday (silly smile) but no work and no driving until I'm sure I wont fall asleep.

Here is to MS everyone and to learning the lesson again that it is OK to slow down sometimes!