Bat-shit Crazy

I am sick at the moment. Now, I will be fine but every time I get sick I get pissy.  For those that are not aware of this I have MS (pointing up – look at the marathon info). I’m very healthy with it and have no huge issues. I get fatigue, random pains, and little problems now and then but overall I’m fonzie. 

I however have gotten pretty sick in the past and I’m rather cranky and not happy when I’m sick. On Wednesday my arm started to hurt and my fingers went a bit numb. Eh, not something I get too worried about. Thursday fingers are worse and more painful, now I’m getting annoyed. Thursday night it gets worse and Friday morning is almost unbearable. 

This means that on Thursday I turn in to a little lunatic. I’m usually fine when I’m sick but I get crazy when its MS related. If I’m going to be a hundred percent honest, it scares the shit out of me. My mind always takes me to the worst place possible. I’m going to be in a wheel chair and disabled and unable to talk or move or feed myself etc. I’ll be like that guy in monkey shines who is disabled and gets a “helper” monkey but the monkey is insane and kills people.

Because, if anyone will get an insane homicidal monkey to help them once they are paralyzed, it will be me. 

So, I get a little crazy with the MS. I also get very needy, like a 2 year old child. I want someone to care and coddle me. Yes it’s not fair but at least I know that’s what I’m doing (sweet innocent smile). This can be a little disconcerting for people around me who have not known me that long. See, in general I’m pretty stoic with things that bother me. I’m also a pretty happy go lucky person and I like to laugh and joke around. When I’m sick I get quite, the laughing happy go lucky person kinda goes away, and I turn into angry girl. Usually I can hide in my cube at work, no one will bother me, and I can analyze things lol. 

This week though I had meetings every bleeding day. Now, people who know me know I can have little patience for people. At work this is not the case and I know I need to explain things to people because of the type of work I do. However, nice me is gone and bat-shit crazy me is in charge. 

I didn’t say or do anything bad but let’s say that I was pushing the mute button a lot and meditating in the lunchroom lol. I think I might have scared most of the people I work with who I’m friends with. They kept asking me if I was ok and asking me if I was going to die. Which was funny and I laughed but obviously I was not acting ok. 

I will also say this; if not for some of my coworkers I might be crazy now. One woman even hugged me on Friday because she said I needed one and poor Alan the new Navy guy’s story…laughing hysterically.

While I am feeling better the feeling of wanting someone to be there for me and to cuddle with when I’m sick is staying. This is just going to make my life more complicated and if anyone knows me they know I have enough complicated already for 200 lifetimes.