I've been a bad bad girl...

Wow! I have been gone for a very long time. My life has been pretty interesting since my last post and I'm going going to try (probably miserably) to condense it into a short blog post.

For those that don't know I had a long fight with Leukemia which started in June of 2013 (Acute Promyelocitic Leukemia to be specific). On Feb 21 2014 I was told I was in remission (yay clapping). I foolishly thought I was going to spring back right away and feel amazing. Bwhahahahaha.

I lost most if not all of my muscle tone, my stamina was done, and we won't talk about the needles being jabbed into my eyes monthly. My legs are literally the smallest they have ever been..in my life. It's taken me from Feb till October (right now) to get my stamina up to an acceptable level. Acceptable meaning I don't want to die if I go shopping. Actually, I can actually walk 2 miles now YAY.

It's really interesting to see your muscles growing back. It's actually pretty weird but amazing at the same time.

I'm single after four years. I've only talked about my boyfriend a handful of times on here. It ended abruptly but it's not a bad thing that it's over. Truth be told if I wouldn't have gotten cancer I think it would have been over a while ago.

I've been obsessed with makeup! No, seriously. I'm going to post some makeup blogs in the future. I might even do a little filming for youtube (we'll see). I'm about to do a crazy sephora run because

1. I haven't used makeup in over a year and a lot of it has dried out or gone missing 
2. I have rosacea, which is this lovely immune system reaction (hm and I have MS) that makes your face red (think sunburn) and break out  

So, I'm sorry all but you'll have to listen to me ramble about makeup from time to time. 

And the last topic I'll mention is my MS. My MS is doing really well. I've switched to the 40mg Copaxone injection, which is a three times a week injection. I was not going to switch at first but I decided to give it a try because the three times a week seemed to be a better option then a daily injection while I was dealing with my cancer. So far it's worked very well for me. 

That's my quick update and I'm back to blogging so keep an eye out (smile). 

Rock Me Like a Small Storm, Not a Hurricane of Drama

My life is interesting to say the least. I’ve had an insane amount of life altering things happen to me and my close friends in recent years. It’s really easy to say “Why me?” or to focus on the negative. I’ve been guilty of that reaction many times, especially when I’m very stressed out and feeling sick - Which is every time I’m extremely stressed out. What I’ve done recently to combat that is to not get involved in things that don’t impact my life. If I can’t control it I let it go.

I also find that some people make their own drama, look for drama, or have drama on speed dial. These people actively invite drama into their lives, for whatever reason makes sense to them. I try to limit my contact or dealing with this type of drama. If I have to decide if I have enough energy to take a shower or deal with made up stuff, shower wins EVERY time. 

My drama is a zombie stalker. It finds me and attacks me out of the blue. I kill it every time but since it’s a zombie it comes back. I try to limit that drama by shooting the stalker before it gets to me. It will still come back but at least I nipped it in the bud before it could hurt me too much. I bought a shiny new gun for that purpose. It has hello kitty on it and shoots skittles. It works quite well against zombies. 

I joke a lot and some people take offense. The thing is things are not that serious. If I say I don’t like that movie it’s not some kind of comment on your level of education which relates to your viewing habits, and since I dislike it, I am saying that I find you to be the dumbest person in the world. This is a very long dramatic walk down a winding road when all I meant was “I don’t like that movie”. I try to limit my contact with these people. In the past I would try to explain that no, I did not mean you were stupid. I realize now that this is something internal and I can’t do anything about it. 

The things that everyone goes through are all things I will support my friends through. These are small storms in a much bigger life. The hurricanes that you make up, “I can’t talk to Bob because I think Bob doesn’t like me because he took my seat at lunch the other day and I am SURE he’s the one that took my lunch out of the fridge. I’m not going to let him know I know but he knows, and because of that I think maybe he poisoned my cat that seemed a little lethargic the other night. Will you help me find his address?” drama, I refuse to deal with. 

The Korean Half of Me is Trying to Kill Me (as Koreans do)

I'm resting. I'm resting because I'm sick with because Aug - January stress is very bad for people who have MS. My arm got angry and tried to rip itself off of my body but after a couple of weeks of negotiation talks, I believe it's staying, my eyes freaked out on me but they've calmed down. The fatigue monster is alive and well jumping around in my body but he and I have an agreement so we're cool for the moment. I'm not sure why I'm not hungry and talks between my tongue and stomach seem to be ongoing.

So, I am resting until the negotiations have ceased. Since then I've been doing things like reading, blogging, catching up on movies I've meant to see, and watching awesome giant squid documentaries on the discover channel. WOW did you SEE that thing? Go watch it now!

My Korean side finds this all very lazy, a waste of time, and that I should be doing something like rock climbing or working four jobs. OK, I agree that I would like something to do but I can't do anything too crazy or all my MS symptoms might start blasting again at full force. I will go for a walk with the dogs (not run 3 miles like I was) and I love my dogs but they're not all that interesting walking in a circle. My mind has decided that gardening would be great.

This will be the type of raised bed planter that will be in my back yard.

(sigh)

But now it's building a raised bed planter, making sure I'm all organic, and finding ways to get rid of bugs... (sigh). So, I've enlisted a bit of help and they're going to build a gardening box for me (smile).


My Korean side does not like this and wants me to put it together myself. However my white side is going to win this argument. I can do some simple gardening but not actually build a box like a construction worker.

Stay tuned for pictures of my new and awesome veggie garden (laugh).  

I have Multiple Sclerosis – And I Feel Fine (most days)

I am in a reflective mood today. At this moment I am sick, very sick as faith may have it. I am not dying and I am not in some tragic French art film. My MS just exploded and it got its nastiness all over me. The nastiness I hard to get out of your hair and you should see my curtains!

I have had an intense amount of stress since August. A job that sucked my life away from me leads me to get a new job (yay). I loved this new job and my stress level was going down, but now with a merger, layoffs, and frustrated bosses taking their stress out with yelling, my awesome MS bubble popped.

I picture it like a water balloon dangling over my head and then one day the weight is so much it just explodes. Eye jumping, pain, muscle spasms, and fatigue came with this little explosion. I’m not having new symptoms so it’s probably not a flare. My doctor agrees that the intense amount of stress I have been under has probably caused my body to finally call uncle.

Do you know what though? I’m ok with that. I’m not mad, upset, or emotionally losing it. I think this is because I have an awesome support system with some awesome friends and that I have my soul back. I feel yucky and I want to sleep all the time which could be the fatigue but probably also the muscle relaxers, but I am good.

Maybe next week I’ll be annoyed or sad that I’m sick again but maybe not. I really enjoy my life and the challenges I face with it. If I didn't have things happening in my life it would be rather boring now wouldn’t it (smile)?

It's the End of the World and I Feel Fine!

Wow two months huh? Sorry about that. The Mayan thing had me prepping for the end of the world and I had to make sure I had enough eggs stored. Speaking of...Have you people EVER seen Doomsday Preppers  Yeah, I didn't know you could oil up eggs and keep them for years EITHER. So, that's my tip for the day. 

Actually, I've just been crazy busy! I am happy to say I have a new job that doesn't eat my soul away (YAY), still loving paleo 100% (YAY), and am MS flare free (YAY)! I'm even feeling just good in general except some fatigue now and then. Big step up from lasts years "Bronchitis that lasts two months" fiasco.

I've been trying out some Paleo recipes and I'm going to post them here in the up-coming weeks. I've also just started to run again. My broken foot really kicked my bottom and I've just now been able to do 4 miles without pain. If you break your foot GO TO THE DOCTOR AND LISTEN TO HIM. If I wouldn't have I have no idea what I'd be like right now - probably unable to run again. 

A tip for my peeps (like that?) in the Orlando area - Freshfields Farm  is my new go-to place for produce and some of my meat! They don't have grass fed (yet) but they do have hormone free chicken, and I've had a hell of a time finding good chicken in the area so this works in the long run. Either way the produce is fresh and the meat is also fresh and cheap. Good things in my book! 

I love my new job! Doing the same thing I was before but again no soul sucking! Having a soul is a plus in my book and I want to keep mine around for awhile. 

Oh, and as a side note. I started a PhD program (big smile). Not doing much AT ALL. 

 

Keeping up with the MSers

Hi Peeps! It's been awhile I know. Life gets in the way what can I say (smile).

I'm going to get back to my daily posting starting with this one.

As some know (or don't know) I am a MS Advocate. We recently had our forum meeting and let me tell you it was amazing to see everyone again! It's also a great restarting and re-energizing point for us advocates.

This links back to MS in general. There were over 180 of us at the forum. Some of us are disabled (in motorized chairs or walking with canes) but most of us are not. I have to say the all of who were there are OK. By that I mean that while we have our issues we are living and having fun! We went to Lajolla and climbed around an Aircraft carrier; even those who had mobility issues were on that aircraft carrier.

This brings me to a point that I have to reiterate. How you deal with your disease and how it effects you is VERY contingent on your perspective. We all walked, laughed, danced, were silly, and enjoyed ourselves. So many people consumed themselves with what ifs and woe is me thoughts that they miss out on their lives.

Is it kinda crappy that I have to give myself a shot? Yeah sure it is, but honestly it's just part of my routine now. I get fatigue and other cruddy little things but most people get that.

I was traveling for over 12 hours the other day and I started thinking about how exhausted I was. Well, anyone would be exhausted after that much travel.

I find a lot of people with MS just want to complain and wallow. Yes it does suck sometimes, but for the love, life isn't always sunshine and puppy dogs!

Words of tough love now - Get over yourself. It's life. Good and bad things will happen and you have to deal with it. Try not to drag everyone else down with you! 

Boys and Girls of Every Age

It's Devils Night! In years past I was out causing trouble but I haven't done that in years (smile). I admit it I love Halloween! In the past few years I have not dressed up or done much. The night usually involves trying to ensure my dog does not go through my front window (tiny people in sparkly weird things creep her out and she thinks she has to protect us) while making sure small children don't have heart attacks on the front lawn from being exposed to the mean "Boxer Doggie". After that insanity subsides I usually watch some horror movies or some all night ghost hunting thing on TV.

This year I'm actually going to dress up. Why is it different this year? This year the place I work really emphasizes dressing up. So, I decide this weekend to get some stuff. In between fighting the crowds for things and getting good makeup to plaster on my face (If I don't get good makeup I'll look like a horror show for weeks to come), I realized that I'm actually excited to dress up!

I'm not sure why but I am excited. I can't wait to see what the boy is going for his Halloween costume. Although he told me all about it and I'll see it tomorrow night, I'm still excited to see it! I'm also curious to see what everyone at work is going to wear.

I'm not sure if I'm getting my fun back or if I'm better because it's been a few years since my fathers passing and my MS diagnosis. Whatever the reason I am enjoying my holiday again and I wonder what Christmas is going to be like! (smile)