The Lifting of the Fatigue (Angels Sing Hallelujahs!! Trumpets Playing)

I've had crushing fatigue for a month or more. I've been working around it and trying to figure out ways to combat it. Nothing was really working. I woke up today and needed to run to the grocery store, post office (PO Box I needed to check), and a few other places.

As I'm running around I realize something. I'm not feeling overwhelming fatigue! YAY!!!

My fog seems to have lifted a bit! This makes me very happy and I hope it continues. I did take a nap when I got home (laughing) but at least I didn't sleep 30 hours this weekend. (smile)

No, I'm Not Tired

I'm not tired at all. I have mind numbing, bone aching fatigue.

Those not familiar with the feeling will never know how horrible it really is. Tired does not cover it, although that's the only feeling most can relate too. Pretend you have the flu, that horrible weak feeling you get, and then pretend someone has forced you to walk around an amusement park in the heat all day, and then at the end of that day you ran 5 miles.

Now times that by 10.

Yes it is that bad. Not all the time but right now I feel like I can't move. I go to the doctor and I feel like I've worked an 8 hour day and went for a run after I played with my god daughter for an hour or so. I have not felt like this since I was first diagnosed over two years ago and this is kicking my ass.

For me, a person with MS who does a lot and exercises, works full time, and manages a second business, stopping and resting is hard. Not stopping and resting has lead to this. Fighting it for the past two and a half weeks, I fell asleep at the stoplight on my way home from work. I'm lucky I didn't fall asleep on the ride home.  Trust me when I say it was touch and go for awhile and that I really took a chance driving home that day.

I was having nightmares and not sleeping at all but instead of taking it easy and staying home to rest, I went to work and tried to push through it. Someone without MS would have been exhausted and stupid for doing what I was doing. With MS I really put myself in a bad situation.

Now I have to rest. (smile) My body is going to force me to rest. To my chagrin I admit I did this to myself. Well MS did it to me but I know better.

I'm not mad or depressed. It is what it is. I'm a bit frustrated with myself but there is nothing I can do about it now except not do it again. So I will rest and admit I can't do it this week. The fog will lift soon and I will take my Nuvigil and see if it helps me break through quicker.

I still walk with my pups, no running of course, which I will admit I was doing until just yesterday (silly smile) but no work and no driving until I'm sure I wont fall asleep.

Here is to MS everyone and to learning the lesson again that it is OK to slow down sometimes!

I just happen to have MS.

I haven't spoken about my MS in awhile. I was reading someone’s discussion about their MS and it rubbed me the wrong way. So, I wanted to talk about my MS a little bit more here in the hopes that it adds a bit of light to someone.

I was diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis (RRMS) on September 8 2009. The diagnosis came after I had some vision issues. MS has affected my life but in general, life is the same as it was before my diagnosis.

I get fatigued and I have little aches and pains and dizzy but those things happened before my diagnosis. My diagnosis date did not mark a point in which all of a sudden my MS got worse. I had MS for years before my diagnosis and giving a name to my disease with a date of diagnosis has not made it any worse. I would like to bring up a few points related to this.

I am not trying to get on disability. My diagnosis is not an instant signal that I need to be on disability. I still work a full time job that I enjoy. Do I get fatigued sometimes? Yes but that happened before too, do I get headaches or dizzy? Yes but again, those symptoms happened before my diagnosis. Just because I have MS does not mean I cannot work.

Overall, I’m fine. Yes, overall I’m fine. I get sick sometimes a little dizzy if I’m over tired, fatigued, and sometimes some pain but overall fine. I could complain about every little thing that happens to me but there is no reason to do that. You work around your limitations not focus on them and complain about them. Many people have trials to deal with such as arthritis, cancer, and a multitude of other chronic problems.  I’m not the only one out there with a chronic disorder. It is annoying but it’s something we all deal with.

I could sit here, whine, and complain. I could cry and lay down in bed all day. I could wax poetic and ask “Why me” until I work myself up in a tizzy. My choice and yes it is a choice is to be proactive in the management of my disease and to live on Sept 9 2009 as I did on September 7 2009 the day before my diagnosis.

You can whine, complain, and give up or you can try to find a work around to live the best life you can.

Everyone has bad days. Everyone feels sorry for themselves from time to time but that is no way to live. Why someone would chose to live like that is beyond me.  

I have a full and fulfilling life. I have fun and I do things I want to do. I have a boyfriend and some great friends around me. I travel, I run, and play the guitar. I take care of my two crazy Boxers and go shopping in my spare time while trying to get to my art class.

I just happen to have MS 

Diabetes - She has it (Weight an Health Rant)

I'm sure some of you have heard that Paula Deen has Type 2 diabetes. If not you can find a news article about it below.

Paula Deen

Why did she hide it for three years? I believe it was to keep her cooking show a float. I also believe that she would not have discussed it if she were not employed by Norvo Nordisk. A drug manufacturer Deen is partnering with to help them promote diabetes awareness.

I believe that everyone has a right to live their lives how they see fit with one exception - celebrities.  You choose to be in the spotlight and if you're popular you are paid well for that. You are now out there and your decisions and the things you do will be in the spotlight.

If you are a chef that cooks everything with butter and eats as unhealthy as she does as well as consumes a lot of alcohol how do you not let people know you have diabetes? Yes it's a personal choice yadda yadda but then don't then decide to be an advocate for the disease.

A big part of being an advocate is not being perfect and not being 100% the queen of your disease management, but you are now looking to be a role model for others. At this point you need to be making healthy life choices and living well.

How does anything about how she eats or live portray that?

Butter, alcohol, more food, and not exercising is her whole life. I know we would all love to believe that we can eat and do whatever we want and not have any ill health effects. Well guess what? That's not true.

Being obese will hurt you, eating butter all day long with sugar and whiskey will hurt you, and that is that. Am I perfect? Nope I gotta lose weight and I should be exercising more and sometimes I don't make the best food choices. I am not however trying to sell a cooking show where all I cook is fried butter and then promote myself as a healthy diabetic.

I'm really tired of people who lie to themselves and everyone else. Ya know what sometimes what you're doing is NOT healthy and you should NOT be doing it.

I have MS and because of that I have to make life choices for myself. I could sit on my butt all day and do nothing but how would that help me? I'm an MS advocate and I would be a LIAR if I told people that MS was livable and then I crawled into a huge hole of denial. I would be a LIAR if I told people that I worked out to help my fatigue and that I take my medication because I feel like it's a way for me to fight my disease, and did neither.

So Ms. Deen, excuse me if I find this ridiculous but pin a rose on yourself because this lady sure wont.

Senses

I had a weird experience earlier today. I was out and I felt very emotionally overwhelmed. I was sitting at the doctors office waiting for my appointment and trying to pinpoint the reason. Was it the fact that I was at the doctor? No. I had gotten enough rest and I didn't have work today.

Then it dawned on met. For me smells bring about memories and feelings. I realized that I used a hair product today that I hadn't used in months. When I was using it lots of things were going on and I think the smell brought all of that back.

I don't think I'll be using that stuff again. Egads!

Dogs and Children

I had a wonderful boxer dog named Gia. She was an amazing puppy and just like my child. She died in December and it broke my heart.

I was going to remain dogless but the Boxer Rescue contacted me. I had put in an application to adopt a boxer about a week before Gia passed away.

They had two boys who were abandoned together and were so bonded that they could not be seperated. So after thinking about it....

Welcome home Kobe (the brindle) and Ben (the fawn). (BIG SMILE)

...or the beatings will continue

As everyone who reads my blogs knows I have MS.

One of the big issues I have with MS are muscle issues. It's akin to someone putting a hot ball bearing, of various sizes, into my back. The last bad one was an orange sized ball bearing burning it's way through my back under my shoulder.

To make these wonderful little balls of love go away - I get therapeutic deep tissue massage. I also do fascial release because the fascia in my back, shoulders, and hips are just insane. Fascia is connective tissue around the muscles for those that don't know.

Well I went on Friday to get this done because a ball of love was taking residence in my shoulder, again. No one ever pushes hard enough or gets deep enough for me. It's a PITA procedure and if they don't push hard enough the muscle wont release. For example, for the orange sized ball bearing, I had a 300lb guy with his knee on the massage table pressing into my shoulder with his elbo.

I call to make an appointment and I find out he's gone back to Boston now (sad face). I ask for someone else and I get girl for this appointment. Now, I'm not saying girls are wimpy but most of the woman I've had that give me a massage aren't strong enough/don't push hard enough.

Hahahahahaha.

She pushed hard enough alright and the ball bearings are gone but now I feel like I've been in a street fight. Which, funny enough does not feel as bad as the ball bearings but still bad.

One problem? My back and shoulders look like I've been in a street fight. I believe that the comments were "You should sue." "Did you complain?" "Did you really get in a street fight?" "Did someone beat you?" "Are you ok?!" and "People are going to think I beat you."

FYI No my boyfriend does not beat me.

I'd post pictures but lets try to save those faint of heart.

Maybe I should tell everyone I was attacked by a bear and I won!