Consequences

I think that some people get so used to not having consequences that they become complacent in life. If nothing you do, good or bad, illicit any consequence, how will you learn?

I think this is a problem with our society in general. So many whiny people who except things to be exactly how they like it, and instead of being told "No" they are placated. This only teaches them that if they whine enough they will get what they want.

I think this breeds an environment of entitlement. Why, as a nation would we accept this as the status quo?

I find it ridiculous that I am about to provide someone with a consequence because they have never had one.   How does this get this bad?

Apnea and You (well me really)

If you have been reading my recent posts you know that I've been talking about the fact that I have sleep apnea in weird little blurbs. Only blurbs because I was a little annoyed, upset, pissed, bitchy about the fact that I have sleep apnea. Yeah I admit it!

For the past year and a half or so I have been refusing a sleep study when my doctors bring it up. This is because I have MS and one of the HUGE COMMON SYMPTOMS of MS is fatigue. Also, the more I exercised the better I felt. This is very common with fatigue and MS. Exercise helps the fatigue a 'lot'. Well, I've noticed for about six months now that I have been really fatigued which I talked about in a previous blog post No I'm Not Tired!

Well my doctor starts getting on me about doing a sleep study. To shut them up I agreed to wear a pulse ox, which is a little machine that measures how much oxygen is going through your body, while I sleep. I've never thought about sleep apnea for other reasons, such as I don't snore, I don't fall asleep during the day (Cept that one time) and no one has ever commented that I stop breathing when I sleep (shout out to my sweetie). Well that little thing showed that my oxygen levels were dipping a bit too low. Which lead to a REAL sleep study in a strange place and all that jazz.

Fun information I didn't know. There is something called central sleep apnea. Which happens with people who have MS (rubbing my eyeballs). Central sleep apnea is when you repeatedly stop breathing during sleep because the brain temporarily stops sending signals to the muscles that control breathing (robbing my eyeballs harder). SO, I have sleep apnea. Which I can add to the long list of "Shit that Annoys Me" and/or "Holy Shit I Wonder How Big My Medical Chart Can Get". As a side note I love Jackie Chan. I may go to hell for using that image on my blog because I am Asian but that's OK. LOVE YOU JACKIE!

Back to the story - On Wendsday I have to go to the cool "Get your breathing shit here" store and get fitted and learn how to use my machine. Let me tell you THAT is gonna be a BLAST. I may feel amazing when I get it through which would be great! I will let you guys know how it goes after Wed!

Things that Annoy Me Part 3

From time to time I get so annoyed that I have to post lists. This is one of those lists.

1. Don't take your shit out on me. If you're having a bad day or your hair isn't falling they way you want or the wind blows up your ass sideways I don't care. If I work with you I REALLY DON'T CARE. Grow a pair, put your big boy or girl pants on and fucking do your job. I do mine, deal with you, and not scream, you can do yours too. Kai? Kai, bye.  
2. As well, if you're going to talk on the phone, talk to co-workers, surf the net, and look at other companies websites. Don't ask me to do YOUR work. The work you couldn't get too. This makes me angry. 
3. Why do peoples cars smell like french whores? Ok, I get it you have perfume you want it to smell pretty etc etc but then let me drive!! I get car sick and I'm sensitive to smells. JUST LET ME DRIVE. If you feel bad give me gas money we'll call it even. I'd rather not puke! 
4. If your daughter can't get her own job and wont go to school so you make her your receptionist. Please at least tell her she has to not have an attitude. The incompetent prissy face is going to get slapped one day. 
5. Please stop telling me that you know someone that has MS and is in a wheel chair and can't speak anymore. That's not me see (jumping up and down). 
6. Akin to number 4. I don't care if you know someone who's brothers, uncles, sisters, boyfriends, mother, did high protein and got some kind of rare south american disease. Leave me alone and let me eat what I want to eat. 
7. I don't mind listening to people vent but stop venting to me about made up, psychosomatic, fake things in your head. After while I'm just going to look at you like you're an asshole and you're just going to call me judgmental and mean. 

That is my list at the moment (smile). Tomorrow = one week of Leptin. I'll discuss more tonight. :) 

No, I'm Not Tired

I'm not tired at all. I have mind numbing, bone aching fatigue.

Those not familiar with the feeling will never know how horrible it really is. Tired does not cover it, although that's the only feeling most can relate too. Pretend you have the flu, that horrible weak feeling you get, and then pretend someone has forced you to walk around an amusement park in the heat all day, and then at the end of that day you ran 5 miles.

Now times that by 10.

Yes it is that bad. Not all the time but right now I feel like I can't move. I go to the doctor and I feel like I've worked an 8 hour day and went for a run after I played with my god daughter for an hour or so. I have not felt like this since I was first diagnosed over two years ago and this is kicking my ass.

For me, a person with MS who does a lot and exercises, works full time, and manages a second business, stopping and resting is hard. Not stopping and resting has lead to this. Fighting it for the past two and a half weeks, I fell asleep at the stoplight on my way home from work. I'm lucky I didn't fall asleep on the ride home.  Trust me when I say it was touch and go for awhile and that I really took a chance driving home that day.

I was having nightmares and not sleeping at all but instead of taking it easy and staying home to rest, I went to work and tried to push through it. Someone without MS would have been exhausted and stupid for doing what I was doing. With MS I really put myself in a bad situation.

Now I have to rest. (smile) My body is going to force me to rest. To my chagrin I admit I did this to myself. Well MS did it to me but I know better.

I'm not mad or depressed. It is what it is. I'm a bit frustrated with myself but there is nothing I can do about it now except not do it again. So I will rest and admit I can't do it this week. The fog will lift soon and I will take my Nuvigil and see if it helps me break through quicker.

I still walk with my pups, no running of course, which I will admit I was doing until just yesterday (silly smile) but no work and no driving until I'm sure I wont fall asleep.

Here is to MS everyone and to learning the lesson again that it is OK to slow down sometimes!

I just happen to have MS.

I haven't spoken about my MS in awhile. I was reading someone’s discussion about their MS and it rubbed me the wrong way. So, I wanted to talk about my MS a little bit more here in the hopes that it adds a bit of light to someone.

I was diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis (RRMS) on September 8 2009. The diagnosis came after I had some vision issues. MS has affected my life but in general, life is the same as it was before my diagnosis.

I get fatigued and I have little aches and pains and dizzy but those things happened before my diagnosis. My diagnosis date did not mark a point in which all of a sudden my MS got worse. I had MS for years before my diagnosis and giving a name to my disease with a date of diagnosis has not made it any worse. I would like to bring up a few points related to this.

I am not trying to get on disability. My diagnosis is not an instant signal that I need to be on disability. I still work a full time job that I enjoy. Do I get fatigued sometimes? Yes but that happened before too, do I get headaches or dizzy? Yes but again, those symptoms happened before my diagnosis. Just because I have MS does not mean I cannot work.

Overall, I’m fine. Yes, overall I’m fine. I get sick sometimes a little dizzy if I’m over tired, fatigued, and sometimes some pain but overall fine. I could complain about every little thing that happens to me but there is no reason to do that. You work around your limitations not focus on them and complain about them. Many people have trials to deal with such as arthritis, cancer, and a multitude of other chronic problems.  I’m not the only one out there with a chronic disorder. It is annoying but it’s something we all deal with.

I could sit here, whine, and complain. I could cry and lay down in bed all day. I could wax poetic and ask “Why me” until I work myself up in a tizzy. My choice and yes it is a choice is to be proactive in the management of my disease and to live on Sept 9 2009 as I did on September 7 2009 the day before my diagnosis.

You can whine, complain, and give up or you can try to find a work around to live the best life you can.

Everyone has bad days. Everyone feels sorry for themselves from time to time but that is no way to live. Why someone would chose to live like that is beyond me.  

I have a full and fulfilling life. I have fun and I do things I want to do. I have a boyfriend and some great friends around me. I travel, I run, and play the guitar. I take care of my two crazy Boxers and go shopping in my spare time while trying to get to my art class.

I just happen to have MS