I give up!

@#*&$@#(*Y&#@)(*&$#@(*Y)#(!*&$!)@#($*!@)(@!&*#Y^%#($)(@%#@)(%#&@$ (this is a stream of cuss words)

Lets go over the last 4 weeks of my life from Nov 13th or so. Come with me now (in a Jamaican accent motioning with my hand.

I get sick and I think it's a cold, so I leave work on Monday and rest to try to get rid of it. I don't know what it is but it's not just a little cold. No it's a cold demon that has posessed me and because I am not an exorcist I get hospitalized because I can't breathe. Funny when you can't breathe the ER doctor does not listen to your assurances that you are OK to go home.

I get out of the hospital and then before I am able to go back to work my dog gets sick and has to have emergency surgery. After five days of fighting we had to put her down last week. Needless to say I'm heartbroken and I have cried every day because of it.

Just a few moments ago I find out that my mother has totaled her car. Thank goodness my mother is OK but I think this means my mother wont be able to drive anymore. Which means I need to figure out how she's going to get to work and what needs to be done.

OK, I give up. I've hit rock bottom and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm a Christian so I believe in giving my troubles to God. Well I am and I have but I have to say that I cannot keep going at this rate. I can't do it. I need help.

I am a positive person and I do love my life, but I cannot keep this pace up. I don't know what has to give but something has too and if I don't get some kind of help what's going to break is me. I am so close to the edge I can feel the stones crumbling under my feet.

So I put this out there and hope that my prayers are heard or God has some angels reading blogs now, because I cannot keep up this pace. I just can't.

Oh FYI my MS is going GREAT just for a silver lining. lol 

No Peace for the Sick

I'm sick. Not like I got the sniffles but "OMG I have Swine Flu" sick. I've been in my house since Monday afternoon and today I felt a little better. So, I decide that I will go out tonight sit, have a coffee, and look at some bedsheets. Yes bedsheets, it's random but why not?

So, I'm out be-bopping around. I returned some makeup and looked at sheets with my friend (Anisa was kind enough to join me) and as I was out there...I started felling really crappy. Not sniffle sniffle but "OMG I'M GOING TO PUKE AND PASS OUT".

I say goodnight jump in my car start to drive home. Actually, I  was going to go to the walk in clinic but it was closed, that's how bad I felt, but I digress.

As I'm driving home I realize that I'm low on medication. Now mind you this is literally only 2 miles from my house. I'm not going 30 minutes to some random place and galavanting around with dancing bears or anything.

I decide to suck it up go to pharmacy and then go home. I get to the pharmacy go to the pharmacy area in the back to get my meds and see this older black woman there. The pharmacist sees me and gets this look on her face, and it's at this point that I think to myself "Oh no I should have gone home".

Let me explain something my friends. I was a nurse many years ago, when I was younger, and this Pharmacist knows me from then. Guess who gets asked to help? You got it.

I'm talking to this woman about her insulin injection, yep I said insulin. She's confused so I ask, "Do you have anyone with you?"
"No, he left me here and was cussing me out."
"I see, is there anyone you can call?"
"I'm calling triple A and they're going to drive me home with my car."
"Ok..."
She then goes on to tell me the right side of her face is drooping and that it wasn't like that before. I'm listening and she then pulls out her drivers license which has a picture of an obviously much younger her. She then says "SEE, I didn't look like this before!"

Oh holy shit mother#@!$%#$@#%#$#@$@# (in my head).

So, I ask for some alcohol swabs while I keep talking to her. The Pharmacist is like WHY? I say because I'm SICK and I don't want to give this woman the flu let me wipe off her insulin pen.  I also say I need a sharps container to waste the needle. WHY? Because...I'm....sick...and it's no good now because you took the cap off of it...(blink blink)

That's all I need "Yeah she would have been OK if she hadn't gotten that FLU and died of pneumonia" (banging head on wall).

While she's finding me a sharps container the Tech gets a chair for the wobbly lady.

I pull the Pharmacist aside and say I have to go I'm really sick, but you need to check her BG (blood sugar) at the very least BUT (I stress this) her face is drooping, she's confused, and can't drive. If I were you, I wouldn't let her leave and you should call 911. She looks at me like REALLY? YES REALLY.

Listen the diabetic, older woman, can't stand up, has facial drooping, says she is calling triple A to drive her home - YES you should call 911.

She's OK, she went to the hospital and will be fine.

I however have decided not to leave the house again.

Cold Joy! AKA Fatigue Sucks

A lot of people know I have MS at this point. I outed myself on Facebook and to my surprise, it didn't really cause much of an uproar. I am not ashamed of my MS or want to keep it hidden, I just don't lead with "Hi, nice to meet you. I have MS" seems a bit like a strong introduction (smile).

I'm sick this week with a cold. A cold or a phlegm demon that has taken up residence in my chest. It seems to be going around at work and I was the unlucky recipient of it! My poor boyfriend was woken up by me last night many times coughing a lung up.

Having MS means that since I'm sick I'm psudoflaring. I've talked about a psudoflare before but in general what it means is that crappy MS stuff that I've had before comes back to say hi. My right arm hurts, my eyes are spazzing a bit, and I am EXHAUSTED. I've ran 20 miles before and I have not been this exhausted.

So, not only do I have this amazing cold but I feel like I can't move. I could sleep 20 hours a day and it wouldn't make a different. I could take my Provigil but then I'd be sick and on my wakey wakey pill. Which seems a bit like a waste of my very expensive wakey wakey pill.

One of the major problems with being sick and getting this fatigued is that I can't work. I'm usually perfectly able to work and do my normal life stuff, but when I'm sick I'm dead and good to no one. The funny part about this? I just spoke to HR about the fact that I have MS. I haven't told HR up until this point that I have MS. As I said above I'm not embarrassed by it I just don't lead with it (smile). I also think work is a need-to-know type of situation. I'm a bit gun shy about telling employers about my MS. It's a personal choice that I make because of the industry I am in.

So, here I sit literally sick and tired waiting for my cold to go away and for my fatigue to lift. At least I have a chance to catch up on reading blogs and playing facebook games (smile).

Jello Fights!

The purpose of this blog for me was to talk about MS. It's become a place I blog about about anything and everything. Maybe my blogs are not that cohesive but I must say I like writing them, and I will be writing many more in the near future.

My amazing friend Acharyia was recently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and had her first chemotherapy treatment. This is her blog where she talks about it Achariya Writes. Her blog is amazing in general and you should read it.


However, we're talking about jello fights here. Achariya was trying to steal my MS ribbon color! Do you believe that? The MS ribbon is orange and has been for as long as time itself (this might be a lie I have no idea)! Even Abraham Lincoln knew that MS was represented by the orange ribbon and wore orange under his top hat to recognize the disease (this is an outright lie but makes me sound more credible).

The ribbon to the right here was found in the tomb of King-Tut with a hieroglyphic inscription that said "For people with the disease that attacks their Myelin" (yes I understand this is very specific however the Egyptians were working with UFOs and they had very advanced technology!).

The color of your ribbon is GREEN. Leave my orange ribbon alone!


Let's get the lime and orange jello and fight this out like real women! *

*all comments made were made in jest. I am being funny please do not read to much into this and send me angry emails about how I'm an insensitive weirdo. I don't really care if I hurt random peoples feelings but I have a horrible cold right now and I don't have the energy to read through all of your rambling emails of hate. **

**This was also said in jest. People need to laugh more. (BIG SMILEY FACE)

I'm not that kind of girl!

I have never been a girly girl. I have never had to put on layers of makeup or dress to the nines to go to the grocery store and I don't swoon with the thought that Prince Charming is going to come for me. I've also never been overly romantic. Romance is nice but I've never really required it in big amounts. However, my man wrote me a poem today. Yes that's what I said, a poem.

For the first time I melted a little inside.  

Maybe I am that type of girl...?